not knowing where you are going is the best way to get to somewhere you have never been

welcome to a blog about nothing and everything. enjoy.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Maxim's Top 100 Hot List

Hey! What's up, everyone? School is pretty much out for the summer, so that means more blogs. YOOOOO!!!!

Okay, so last night, on my way into work, I stopped at the infamous Walgreens and picked up the new Maxim magazine. Why you ask? Cause I'm a guy and guys like the stupid information that they put in the magazine and the pictures of good-looking women. I must say that last night I didn't even get to the magazine because I was way too distracted by the Maxim's Hot 100 List supplement that they included with the magazine. For those that don't know what that is, first of all, you are a dummy, and second it is a list of the top 100 most beautiful women... according to Maxim magazine.

I'd like to begin talking about the Maxim's most beautiful fallen angels - the girls that used to rock the top 100 and now just are on the list out of nostalgia or they themselves are just out not up to par.

1. Britney Spears - What happened? she used to be straight up ridiculous, but at the same time she wasn't necessarily a full grown woman. so age hasn't treated her well i guess. either that or the kids she had are dragging her down. or kevin federline. whatever it is, she's fallen dramatically to #54. tough break. well, not really. I can't believe she's still considered for this list at all. she's a bit of a hag now. but back in the day. damn, she was hot.

2. Angelina Jolie - Now she's not exactly a bad looking woman by any means. it kind of hurts to see her at spot #38 on the list. I guess she can't hog the list forever. still deserves to be there though cause i think she is gorgeous.

3. Jessica Alba - She's a lot better than #34. come on, Maxim. She's a babe. in fact, if she was a president, she'd be Baberaham Lincoln.

4. Jessica Biel - She was all the rage the past few years. why is she now at #32 I just realized Justin Timberlake banged both Britney Spears and Jessica Biel. What a lucky son of a bitch.

Okay, so clearly those girls couldn't be the hottest forever and I realize that, and i am okay with that, but let's take a look at some girls that I think just shouldn't be on the list.

Lilly Allen - Gross. #75

Ke$ha - #56. Somehow she's more beautiful than a bunch of models. that sound about right - nope.

Anna Faris - She's cute and I like her comedies a little bit but she, like Kesha, is not hotter than the pile of models behind her. she's number 42.

Amanda Bynes - Amanda Bynes? What? #15. We're being punk'd, right? Where's Ashton?

I think we can all agree that those morons do not belong on the list of 100 most beautiful women. It's like they are taking up space on a list of awesomeness. Speaking of taking up space on the list, why are all of these random European models here? It's not that they aren't beautiful, but it's hard to place them on a list like this. We have a list of celebrities and then there are no-name models mixed in here and its hard to figure out who they are. It's like if i made a list of 100 most beautiful famous women and included a bunch of people that I know. yes, they are pretty, but it would be nice to know who they are.

Okay, here are some women that I am happy to see on the list.

1. At number 94. Kelly Ripa... She's mad cheesy on that show with Regis (who I hate cause he's a piece of dust) but I have to admit that she is a good-looking woman. She's pretty, and in really great shape. She make the kind of effort that I think deserves her a spot on the list. I understand if you disagree though, she's mad annoying.

2. Zooey Deschanel. - #73... i'll get to her later.

3. Kristen Bell - She's a babe and you know what else? she's a babe. I am glad she's on the list. She's in my person top 20 but Maxim says shes #52. just happy to see she's on the list though.

4. Emma Stone - She was in the movie Superbad and she's a super babe.

5. Taylor Swift - Her music is for dumbasses but she is adorable. I think she is a nice girl. she just seems like a sweatheart. the kind of sweatheart i want to do sex with.

okay, MOST UNDER-RATED

Scarlett Johansson - She's number 14. just under Amanda Bynes for some reason. It doesn't get much better than her. She's insanely beautiful. If a girl like her talked to me I think she head would fall off.

But lets talk about Number 1. The big winner. The most beautiful woman of 2010 according to Maxim... Katy Perry. Now, hold on.
Zooey Deschanel is #73 on the left. Katy Perry. #1 on the right.



How do two women that look very much alike end up on the opposite ends of the spectrum? okay, Katy Perry does have a better body, you're right. I guess Zooey Deschanel should just be more like Katy Perry.

Anyway, Maxim's top 100 hot list for 2010 is strange. I don't even know what else to say about it. Pick it up and you'll see what i mean. or don't cause you've read my blog and know what's up. i got to run errands now, so peace out clowns.

Monday, May 3, 2010

No Coffee = Crazy People

So Saturday, the water pipes broke in the north-of-Boston region, and it's screwing things up bad. Take away our water supply and you have an entire population on their knees. I have to use bottled water to brush my goddamn teeth, which i keep forgetting about. So I have cleaned my teeth, but in the process I may have ingested some sort of bacteria that could eat my heart out like Bruce Springsteen. So then I rinse my mouth out with mouthwash and even swallowing some in the hopes that it catches up to the water that I may have drank and kills the badness within it. That's thinking realistically, right? No, but it allows me to sleep at night.

So without drinking water or easily accessible tap water, which for the most part is pretty good in terms of cleanliness and drinkable nature we north-of-Bostonians have had to purchase bottles and gallons of water. awesome. It's actually further from a problem for me considering that's just something that I already do, but someone out there has been inconvenienced, and for that guy out there, I shout towards the clouds at full volume, "RAT FARTS!".

Speaking of inconvenience, the number one inconvenience this far, besides the teeth-brushing, water-ingesting ordeals, which I might add have happened a few times per day since the pipe exploding, has been the lack of available iced coffees, or coffees in general. Taking away water from hundreds of thousands of people has been crazy as it is, but take away everyone's favorite source of caffeine? Now, you are fucking with big trouble, especially since both water and coffee are out of the picture. I'm surprised people haven't rioted and looted self-brewed coffee from their local Dunkin Donuts yet. After leaving the house today for the first time since Saturday, I felt the anxiety of no coffee first hand. I went to D&D and it was closed, So I got in my car and raced to Starbucks - closed.

I found myself to be like an addict, thinking of ways I could get an iced coffee, and eventually realized that I lost the battle before it had begun. This will be the case for the next few days. It must be interesting to see the people with real jobs desperate for coffee, I'm just a nobody with a sweet tooth for caffeine. Perhaps I'll get a taste of coffee tomorrow. I'll make a lot of it, so i can take it with me to school. That would be a great idea. no? I could stand in front of the closed Dunkin Donuts which is next to the train station and sell coffee in the morning, made with bottled water, $3 a pop, that shit would sell. but then i'd have to buy cups, straws, sugar, cream, milk, sweet and low, containers to store ice, which i'd have to make from bottled water, and then my good idea of selling iced coffee makes me poorer than i started because it isn't a practical investment because it would have to turn a profit in two days and who would buy coffee from a stranger on the sidewalk?

ok fuck it, i won't wheel and deal coffee on the sidewalk, it was a bad idea, i know, but i wasn't serious about it either, so it's okay. right? we cool?

So take away easily accessible drinking water and coffee, and what do you get? A bunch of crazies. keep an eye out for them today and the next couple because they are out there. confused and irritable. just be extra nice, cause if you mess with someone when they haven't had their coffee in the morning they will probably bite your head off, or smash your face into a jelly. Combining a lack of coffee with a lack of water, and it could mean that the folks that walks the streets everyday are a bit dehydrated (as well as decaffeinated), which could also effect their ability to think normally. so let's just say there are definitely going to be some loose canons out there. so keep calm, act nicely, and stay out of the way.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Humanity goes back a step

So it's a Saturday afternoon and my friend john and I are at a pizza place/liquor store and a couple of morons come running in, talking about a shooting. Yes, like bang-bang, guns are out, people are on the verge of death type of shooting. Now, in my 24 years of living in Revere, I have only heard of such a thing a couple of times, and although these circumstances are sad, I couldn't help but take the situation to heart, well sort of. At first the jokes came about, but then it was the reaction of the people around me that made me feel like shit. I can usually make jokes about terrible situations but this type of thing was just beyond my discretion, and if you find humor in someone's death or serious injjury, then you truly are a horrible person.

I walked onto the sidewalk and looked down toward the person that had been shot about 100 yards away. It still didn't seem real that a person had been shot three times. one moment i am enjoying a slice of pizza and the next, I am looking down a sidewalk at an unclear image of a man laying on concrete with his shirt off. A woman was tending to him. It didn't seem real. People were coming out of the woodwork appearing on the sidewalk, like myself, unsure of what was happening. The nature of what was happening didn't settle in until I heard some terrible human-being talk about how someone should take a video of the man so they could watch it.

I still can't get over the insanity of of this girl's request. That is a pretty fucked-up to suggest that someone should take a video via phone or camera of someone that had just been shot three times. What would you get out of watching a video like that? it is just completely immoral to video someone in complete agony? what do people get out of another's demise that they need to watch it. that kind of shit is so for sick freaks. what if the unlucky person that had been shot what your cousin or uncle? shouldn't these be thing things to think of before one suggests a video be taken of a man that had been shot.

way to go humanity. you suck again.