Jack Dalton's True Hollywood Story

Some years back, about eight of them to be exact, I was a bit of a rebel. But, at sixteen, don't we all have that "I'm invincible!" attitude? So during my "I don't give a shit" days, I have under my belt somewhat of a true Hollywood story, only this story takes place on the island on Nantucket.

You see, before the movie Wedding Crashers made us laugh our dicks off, I crashed a few parties myself. They took place during my teen years while I was working as a caddie on Nantucket. During my nights off I would walk by a local venue called the Sconset Casino (not an actual casino) that hosts private functions for rich white people, plays movies for local folks on select nights, and is even hosts some of the Nantucket Film Festival. On a side note, I did crash the Nantucket Film Festival with a few friends one time, claiming to be extras from the movie Lord of the Rings, which I still haven't seen, and met Conan O'Brien. That dude is a giant.

So one night, there was quite a bash going on at the Sconset Casino, and since Nantucket isn't the most happening place for a sixteen your old kid whose friends are all dudes on the island, I decided that I was going to try and go in. Why not right? I'm sixteen, I'm not going to make a scene, and I can't get into trouble by trying, I'll just get kicked out. There were also rumors from friends that it was a certain someone's party. At the time I could have cared less, but it was the thought of doing something that I shouldn't be doing that motivated me. So near the entrance to the Sconset Casino were a few members of the function's staff. They were taking names as people were entering and I cleverly avoided them by just walking blatantly past them. That's a free tip folks. If you walk boldly past authority, they will be more likely to not question you.

So I walked past the bozos at the front and then I was hit by this younger girl that was probably the most manly looking creature I've seen to this date. Of course, I stuck out like a sore thumb because I was wearing a t-shirt to a suit and tie occasion and that's probably the reason why I was stopped. She inquired to who I was and what I was doing at this function. At this point I should mention she is the daughter to one of the birthday boys of the evening, not the famous birthday boy, but the birthday boys wealthy friend, probably the actual birthday boy. She is also the type of person that everyone hates, by default she is visually offensive, but more so because, well, she was kind of a bitch. I tried to buddy with her for the sake that this party could be more interesting than anything else I could have done that night and she still insisted on being a bitch and asking me to leave. After pretending to leave, I was able to avoid the Grimace looking girl and make my way to the abundantly stocked open bar. Now, there was the bar where you had to order mixed drinks and there were beers in bottles packed in ice on the tables, so I grabbed myself a beer, or three, and watched the live band playing on the stage, from nearby.

My tactic at this point was to just hang out and enjoy the fact that I'm around a bunch of strangers, listening to live music and drinking some beers. Continuing that strategy is the safe play in this situation because I can not lose. I've already succeeded in crashing the party, drank a couple of beers and I'm getting entertained by the band. But, getting away with things is addictive, you always want to take that feeling of doing something wrong to the next level and that's what I did.

The singer of the band asked if there were any kids in the crowd that wanted to come up and sing with the band for the next song. Standing next to the stage I thought "sure... I'm a kid" and I jumped up on up. Not knowing what the song was going to be, standing on stage in front of the entire party with about fifteen small childrennext to me, holding a microphone, I sang "I'm a Believer" made famous by The Monkees and made believers out of the entire party. I even ended the song by slapping a cymbal and high-fiving every child that was on stage with me. From the back windows of the function room I could see friends and co-workers staring through the windows at me in complete disbelief that I had done what I had just did.

Now I did mention that this was a true Hollywood story, and it is, well, sort of, so this is the part where the Hollywood part comes in, if applicable. Any New England Patriot Fans out there? While walking down the steps from the stage I was greeted by the birthday boy himself, Coach Bill Belichick. (Now some of you out there may look up his actual birthday and it is sometime in April but it was made clear to me by the Grimace girl that it was a joint-birthday celebration. Thanks grimace!) At this point I felt like the man because I did something quite bold, for me that is. And as I walked down the steps and saw him, I thought "oh shit. he's going to personally escort me out of the party." But to my surprise, he instead shook my hand, asked me my name and told me what a great job I did. I was a bit thunderstruck by that to be honest.

I don't know how drunk he was, but if anyone knows me, I have a terrible singing voice. If he wasn't drunk then, he would have been soon, as he was walking on stage to sing "Love Potion Number Nine," where he took a big swig from a flask that he brought on stage with him instead of actually singing the parts "love potion number nine" and that is where everyone in the party filled in the words.

I also did steal a party favor from a table and I have it somewhere, but it's hardly proof of my party crash, because it is a CD. I'm sure I could find someone to testify to the size of my balls that night.

And that is the story of how Bill Belichick met me.