Soooo.... I want anyone that reads this to post some suggestions for future blogs. Sometimes I'm just too awesome and ripped off Smirnoff Ices to really come up with anything that might be worth reading about, so if you have a soul, post an idea or two. Thanks! Also, if you need life advice, please post your shitty crisis (provide enough background information) and I promise to get your life on the right track or something.
I'm about to rip into some music "talent" that has been on the radio for the rest of this blog. So if you listen to the radio and feel like stabbing it like I do, then stick around and get ready to hate with me. BUT, if you think the music on the radio really speaks to who you are as a person, don't let me crap on your bad taste in music. Hit the bricks and come back for the next one, k? Oh, and don't forget to post some suggestions for the next blog so we can stay friends.
I feel like I'm sort of turning into my parents when I say the music on the radio is getting worse everyday, but I've been hating the radio for years, so this isn't new. What is new, is that I've actually been listening to the radio recently, I don't know why but when I get bored, I do dumb things, or listen to them for this matter. Now I don't have a problem with everything on the radio, there are crappy musicians that I can let live because they don't need to die, but some of these clowns need to go. on top of the list of "musicians" that i want to put in a rocketship and fly into the sun is...
Ke$ha! - The hippy valley girl. Her songs are so primitive and mindless that they are on par with drinking a bucket of paint while watching Twilight (Sorry tweens. I didn't mean to jab you like that. If it makes it any better I'm all for team Edward, cause I'm classic like that). First of all, it's pretty clear that no matter the situation (according to her lyrics) she's just out to black out, and to slurp on some cock. When she's not passed out in a pile of someone else's vomit, brushing her teeth with bottles of JAK, it's easy to assume she's clearly getting dicked. It's all fine and dandy I guess, but if she's any influence on the youth of today there's one thing we can count on - teen pregnancy (I've been eagerly waiting for teen pregnancy to make its comeback. So rock on, right?). Her sense of self importance is what really makes me hate her even more. Her song Tik Tok. So fucking dumb. That song alone makes me feel as though I could run Ke$ha over with a car as hard as I could and I wouldn't feel ANYTHING. Nothing. Her voice is just so shitty and annoying that I feel like that is exactly what she deserves. Some people deserve the Nobel Peace Prize. Ke$ha deserves to be run over by a car.
Another asshat to put on the rockship to the sun is... Jason Derulo. You might be asking yourself, "ohhh, I know him. He's the guy that bags my groceries at the market, right?" Well, unfortunately you're wrong. He's the new auto tune loser on the radio. He is one of the millions of original song writers that cleverly sampled Imogen Heap's "Hide and Seek" and made a song called, "Whatcha Say" (I think that is what it's called, and if I'm wrong then you are a loser for knowing the real title). So, a while back I got interested and did a bit of investigating on this turd and came across a video interview of him just talking up a storm about how great he is, even comparing himself to Michael Jackson. He's a real humble guy. He had a shit ton to say for someone who made his fame off of another person's talent. In fact, I even dug up the video for everyone to feast on. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8GK4wjLxuAc) Here is a list of things this shitbird had to say: "At the age of 5, I knew I was going to be a star and take over the world" Holy shit! Are you kidding me? "Other people cannot see my visions" Well, I could not have said it better myself, Jason. (now, he's talking about songs on his album) "There's fun songs, you know, about cancer and various things we are dealing with today" Well, first of all, I don't remember hearing that cancer is fun. I've never heard anyone say that ever. Various Things on the other hand have a lot of potential.
Okay. I'm done with Jason Derulo.
Since I like to bury people in three's, the third piece of shit I'm throwing in the fire today is... Bobby Ray. The song Airplanes is only saved by a guess spot from Hayley Williams from Paramore. There is no longer a rocketship going into the sun, its B.o.B. (Ke$ha and Jason Derulo) on Bobby Ray's Aiplane. That's the new aircraft going to the sun. Apparently this is the only song on the radio right now, cause it's everywhere. This guy, who I've never heard of, is rapping in this song like he is some sort of legend of the rap game, talking about how he rapped before the politics (what the fuck are you even saying man?), before people listened to his mixtape (why would they?). He just makes a claim that he's all about the music and keeps mentioning politics of the rap game. Dude is so full of shit that it's busting out of his mouth. The dude is like 21 years old acting like he even knew a day when rap wasn't about bitches, hoes and fo sho's. Seriously Bobby Ray, you can eating a dick and fuck the horse you rode in on, K, bro? I'm taking Hayley away from you before you ruin her too. I hope you payed her well to defame herself like that.
I hope I didn't crap in anyone's cereal today, but I felt like someone had to say something.
Oh yeah, gimme ideas. you made a promise to me by reading this.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Jack Dalton's True Hollywood Story
Some years back, about eight of them to be exact, I was a bit of a rebel. But, at sixteen, don't we all have that "I'm invincible!" attitude? So during my "I don't give a shit" days, I have under my belt somewhat of a true Hollywood story, only this story takes place on the island on Nantucket.
You see, before the movie Wedding Crashers made us laugh our dicks off, I crashed a few parties myself. They took place during my teen years while I was working as a caddie on Nantucket. During my nights off I would walk by a local venue called the Sconset Casino (not an actual casino) that hosts private functions for rich white people, plays movies for local folks on select nights, and is even hosts some of the Nantucket Film Festival. On a side note, I did crash the Nantucket Film Festival with a few friends one time, claiming to be extras from the movie Lord of the Rings, which I still haven't seen, and met Conan O'Brien. That dude is a giant.
So one night, there was quite a bash going on at the Sconset Casino, and since Nantucket isn't the most happening place for a sixteen your old kid whose friends are all dudes on the island, I decided that I was going to try and go in. Why not right? I'm sixteen, I'm not going to make a scene, and I can't get into trouble by trying, I'll just get kicked out. There were also rumors from friends that it was a certain someone's party. At the time I could have cared less, but it was the thought of doing something that I shouldn't be doing that motivated me. So near the entrance to the Sconset Casino were a few members of the function's staff. They were taking names as people were entering and I cleverly avoided them by just walking blatantly past them. That's a free tip folks. If you walk boldly past authority, they will be more likely to not question you.
So I walked past the bozos at the front and then I was hit by this younger girl that was probably the most manly looking creature I've seen to this date. Of course, I stuck out like a sore thumb because I was wearing a t-shirt to a suit and tie occasion and that's probably the reason why I was stopped. She inquired to who I was and what I was doing at this function. At this point I should mention she is the daughter to one of the birthday boys of the evening, not the famous birthday boy, but the birthday boys wealthy friend, probably the actual birthday boy. She is also the type of person that everyone hates, by default she is visually offensive, but more so because, well, she was kind of a bitch. I tried to buddy with her for the sake that this party could be more interesting than anything else I could have done that night and she still insisted on being a bitch and asking me to leave. After pretending to leave, I was able to avoid the Grimace looking girl and make my way to the abundantly stocked open bar. Now, there was the bar where you had to order mixed drinks and there were beers in bottles packed in ice on the tables, so I grabbed myself a beer, or three, and watched the live band playing on the stage, from nearby.
My tactic at this point was to just hang out and enjoy the fact that I'm around a bunch of strangers, listening to live music and drinking some beers. Continuing that strategy is the safe play in this situation because I can not lose. I've already succeeded in crashing the party, drank a couple of beers and I'm getting entertained by the band. But, getting away with things is addictive, you always want to take that feeling of doing something wrong to the next level and that's what I did.
The singer of the band asked if there were any kids in the crowd that wanted to come up and sing with the band for the next song. Standing next to the stage I thought "sure... I'm a kid" and I jumped up on up. Not knowing what the song was going to be, standing on stage in front of the entire party with about fifteen small childrennext to me, holding a microphone, I sang "I'm a Believer" made famous by The Monkees and made believers out of the entire party. I even ended the song by slapping a cymbal and high-fiving every child that was on stage with me. From the back windows of the function room I could see friends and co-workers staring through the windows at me in complete disbelief that I had done what I had just did.
Now I did mention that this was a true Hollywood story, and it is, well, sort of, so this is the part where the Hollywood part comes in, if applicable. Any New England Patriot Fans out there? While walking down the steps from the stage I was greeted by the birthday boy himself, Coach Bill Belichick. (Now some of you out there may look up his actual birthday and it is sometime in April but it was made clear to me by the Grimace girl that it was a joint-birthday celebration. Thanks grimace!) At this point I felt like the man because I did something quite bold, for me that is. And as I walked down the steps and saw him, I thought "oh shit. he's going to personally escort me out of the party." But to my surprise, he instead shook my hand, asked me my name and told me what a great job I did. I was a bit thunderstruck by that to be honest.
I don't know how drunk he was, but if anyone knows me, I have a terrible singing voice. If he wasn't drunk then, he would have been soon, as he was walking on stage to sing "Love Potion Number Nine," where he took a big swig from a flask that he brought on stage with him instead of actually singing the parts "love potion number nine" and that is where everyone in the party filled in the words.
I also did steal a party favor from a table and I have it somewhere, but it's hardly proof of my party crash, because it is a CD. I'm sure I could find someone to testify to the size of my balls that night.
And that is the story of how Bill Belichick met me.
You see, before the movie Wedding Crashers made us laugh our dicks off, I crashed a few parties myself. They took place during my teen years while I was working as a caddie on Nantucket. During my nights off I would walk by a local venue called the Sconset Casino (not an actual casino) that hosts private functions for rich white people, plays movies for local folks on select nights, and is even hosts some of the Nantucket Film Festival. On a side note, I did crash the Nantucket Film Festival with a few friends one time, claiming to be extras from the movie Lord of the Rings, which I still haven't seen, and met Conan O'Brien. That dude is a giant.
So one night, there was quite a bash going on at the Sconset Casino, and since Nantucket isn't the most happening place for a sixteen your old kid whose friends are all dudes on the island, I decided that I was going to try and go in. Why not right? I'm sixteen, I'm not going to make a scene, and I can't get into trouble by trying, I'll just get kicked out. There were also rumors from friends that it was a certain someone's party. At the time I could have cared less, but it was the thought of doing something that I shouldn't be doing that motivated me. So near the entrance to the Sconset Casino were a few members of the function's staff. They were taking names as people were entering and I cleverly avoided them by just walking blatantly past them. That's a free tip folks. If you walk boldly past authority, they will be more likely to not question you.
So I walked past the bozos at the front and then I was hit by this younger girl that was probably the most manly looking creature I've seen to this date. Of course, I stuck out like a sore thumb because I was wearing a t-shirt to a suit and tie occasion and that's probably the reason why I was stopped. She inquired to who I was and what I was doing at this function. At this point I should mention she is the daughter to one of the birthday boys of the evening, not the famous birthday boy, but the birthday boys wealthy friend, probably the actual birthday boy. She is also the type of person that everyone hates, by default she is visually offensive, but more so because, well, she was kind of a bitch. I tried to buddy with her for the sake that this party could be more interesting than anything else I could have done that night and she still insisted on being a bitch and asking me to leave. After pretending to leave, I was able to avoid the Grimace looking girl and make my way to the abundantly stocked open bar. Now, there was the bar where you had to order mixed drinks and there were beers in bottles packed in ice on the tables, so I grabbed myself a beer, or three, and watched the live band playing on the stage, from nearby.
My tactic at this point was to just hang out and enjoy the fact that I'm around a bunch of strangers, listening to live music and drinking some beers. Continuing that strategy is the safe play in this situation because I can not lose. I've already succeeded in crashing the party, drank a couple of beers and I'm getting entertained by the band. But, getting away with things is addictive, you always want to take that feeling of doing something wrong to the next level and that's what I did.
The singer of the band asked if there were any kids in the crowd that wanted to come up and sing with the band for the next song. Standing next to the stage I thought "sure... I'm a kid" and I jumped up on up. Not knowing what the song was going to be, standing on stage in front of the entire party with about fifteen small childrennext to me, holding a microphone, I sang "I'm a Believer" made famous by The Monkees and made believers out of the entire party. I even ended the song by slapping a cymbal and high-fiving every child that was on stage with me. From the back windows of the function room I could see friends and co-workers staring through the windows at me in complete disbelief that I had done what I had just did.
Now I did mention that this was a true Hollywood story, and it is, well, sort of, so this is the part where the Hollywood part comes in, if applicable. Any New England Patriot Fans out there? While walking down the steps from the stage I was greeted by the birthday boy himself, Coach Bill Belichick. (Now some of you out there may look up his actual birthday and it is sometime in April but it was made clear to me by the Grimace girl that it was a joint-birthday celebration. Thanks grimace!) At this point I felt like the man because I did something quite bold, for me that is. And as I walked down the steps and saw him, I thought "oh shit. he's going to personally escort me out of the party." But to my surprise, he instead shook my hand, asked me my name and told me what a great job I did. I was a bit thunderstruck by that to be honest.
I don't know how drunk he was, but if anyone knows me, I have a terrible singing voice. If he wasn't drunk then, he would have been soon, as he was walking on stage to sing "Love Potion Number Nine," where he took a big swig from a flask that he brought on stage with him instead of actually singing the parts "love potion number nine" and that is where everyone in the party filled in the words.
I also did steal a party favor from a table and I have it somewhere, but it's hardly proof of my party crash, because it is a CD. I'm sure I could find someone to testify to the size of my balls that night.
And that is the story of how Bill Belichick met me.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Maxim's Top 100 Hot List
Hey! What's up, everyone? School is pretty much out for the summer, so that means more blogs. YOOOOO!!!!
Okay, so last night, on my way into work, I stopped at the infamous Walgreens and picked up the new Maxim magazine. Why you ask? Cause I'm a guy and guys like the stupid information that they put in the magazine and the pictures of good-looking women. I must say that last night I didn't even get to the magazine because I was way too distracted by the Maxim's Hot 100 List supplement that they included with the magazine. For those that don't know what that is, first of all, you are a dummy, and second it is a list of the top 100 most beautiful women... according to Maxim magazine.
I'd like to begin talking about the Maxim's most beautiful fallen angels - the girls that used to rock the top 100 and now just are on the list out of nostalgia or they themselves are just out not up to par.
1. Britney Spears - What happened? she used to be straight up ridiculous, but at the same time she wasn't necessarily a full grown woman. so age hasn't treated her well i guess. either that or the kids she had are dragging her down. or kevin federline. whatever it is, she's fallen dramatically to #54. tough break. well, not really. I can't believe she's still considered for this list at all. she's a bit of a hag now. but back in the day. damn, she was hot.
2. Angelina Jolie - Now she's not exactly a bad looking woman by any means. it kind of hurts to see her at spot #38 on the list. I guess she can't hog the list forever. still deserves to be there though cause i think she is gorgeous.
3. Jessica Alba - She's a lot better than #34. come on, Maxim. She's a babe. in fact, if she was a president, she'd be Baberaham Lincoln.
4. Jessica Biel - She was all the rage the past few years. why is she now at #32 I just realized Justin Timberlake banged both Britney Spears and Jessica Biel. What a lucky son of a bitch.
Okay, so clearly those girls couldn't be the hottest forever and I realize that, and i am okay with that, but let's take a look at some girls that I think just shouldn't be on the list.
Lilly Allen - Gross. #75
Ke$ha - #56. Somehow she's more beautiful than a bunch of models. that sound about right - nope.
Anna Faris - She's cute and I like her comedies a little bit but she, like Kesha, is not hotter than the pile of models behind her. she's number 42.
Amanda Bynes - Amanda Bynes? What? #15. We're being punk'd, right? Where's Ashton?
I think we can all agree that those morons do not belong on the list of 100 most beautiful women. It's like they are taking up space on a list of awesomeness. Speaking of taking up space on the list, why are all of these random European models here? It's not that they aren't beautiful, but it's hard to place them on a list like this. We have a list of celebrities and then there are no-name models mixed in here and its hard to figure out who they are. It's like if i made a list of 100 most beautiful famous women and included a bunch of people that I know. yes, they are pretty, but it would be nice to know who they are.
Okay, here are some women that I am happy to see on the list.
1. At number 94. Kelly Ripa... She's mad cheesy on that show with Regis (who I hate cause he's a piece of dust) but I have to admit that she is a good-looking woman. She's pretty, and in really great shape. She make the kind of effort that I think deserves her a spot on the list. I understand if you disagree though, she's mad annoying.
2. Zooey Deschanel. - #73... i'll get to her later.
3. Kristen Bell - She's a babe and you know what else? she's a babe. I am glad she's on the list. She's in my person top 20 but Maxim says shes #52. just happy to see she's on the list though.
4. Emma Stone - She was in the movie Superbad and she's a super babe.
5. Taylor Swift - Her music is for dumbasses but she is adorable. I think she is a nice girl. she just seems like a sweatheart. the kind of sweatheart i want to do sex with.
okay, MOST UNDER-RATED
Scarlett Johansson - She's number 14. just under Amanda Bynes for some reason. It doesn't get much better than her. She's insanely beautiful. If a girl like her talked to me I think she head would fall off.
But lets talk about Number 1. The big winner. The most beautiful woman of 2010 according to Maxim... Katy Perry. Now, hold on.
Zooey Deschanel is #73 on the left. Katy Perry. #1 on the right.
How do two women that look very much alike end up on the opposite ends of the spectrum? okay, Katy Perry does have a better body, you're right. I guess Zooey Deschanel should just be more like Katy Perry.
Anyway, Maxim's top 100 hot list for 2010 is strange. I don't even know what else to say about it. Pick it up and you'll see what i mean. or don't cause you've read my blog and know what's up. i got to run errands now, so peace out clowns.
Okay, so last night, on my way into work, I stopped at the infamous Walgreens and picked up the new Maxim magazine. Why you ask? Cause I'm a guy and guys like the stupid information that they put in the magazine and the pictures of good-looking women. I must say that last night I didn't even get to the magazine because I was way too distracted by the Maxim's Hot 100 List supplement that they included with the magazine. For those that don't know what that is, first of all, you are a dummy, and second it is a list of the top 100 most beautiful women... according to Maxim magazine.
I'd like to begin talking about the Maxim's most beautiful fallen angels - the girls that used to rock the top 100 and now just are on the list out of nostalgia or they themselves are just out not up to par.
1. Britney Spears - What happened? she used to be straight up ridiculous, but at the same time she wasn't necessarily a full grown woman. so age hasn't treated her well i guess. either that or the kids she had are dragging her down. or kevin federline. whatever it is, she's fallen dramatically to #54. tough break. well, not really. I can't believe she's still considered for this list at all. she's a bit of a hag now. but back in the day. damn, she was hot.
2. Angelina Jolie - Now she's not exactly a bad looking woman by any means. it kind of hurts to see her at spot #38 on the list. I guess she can't hog the list forever. still deserves to be there though cause i think she is gorgeous.
3. Jessica Alba - She's a lot better than #34. come on, Maxim. She's a babe. in fact, if she was a president, she'd be Baberaham Lincoln.
4. Jessica Biel - She was all the rage the past few years. why is she now at #32 I just realized Justin Timberlake banged both Britney Spears and Jessica Biel. What a lucky son of a bitch.
Okay, so clearly those girls couldn't be the hottest forever and I realize that, and i am okay with that, but let's take a look at some girls that I think just shouldn't be on the list.
Lilly Allen - Gross. #75
Ke$ha - #56. Somehow she's more beautiful than a bunch of models. that sound about right - nope.
Anna Faris - She's cute and I like her comedies a little bit but she, like Kesha, is not hotter than the pile of models behind her. she's number 42.
Amanda Bynes - Amanda Bynes? What? #15. We're being punk'd, right? Where's Ashton?
I think we can all agree that those morons do not belong on the list of 100 most beautiful women. It's like they are taking up space on a list of awesomeness. Speaking of taking up space on the list, why are all of these random European models here? It's not that they aren't beautiful, but it's hard to place them on a list like this. We have a list of celebrities and then there are no-name models mixed in here and its hard to figure out who they are. It's like if i made a list of 100 most beautiful famous women and included a bunch of people that I know. yes, they are pretty, but it would be nice to know who they are.
Okay, here are some women that I am happy to see on the list.
1. At number 94. Kelly Ripa... She's mad cheesy on that show with Regis (who I hate cause he's a piece of dust) but I have to admit that she is a good-looking woman. She's pretty, and in really great shape. She make the kind of effort that I think deserves her a spot on the list. I understand if you disagree though, she's mad annoying.
2. Zooey Deschanel. - #73... i'll get to her later.
3. Kristen Bell - She's a babe and you know what else? she's a babe. I am glad she's on the list. She's in my person top 20 but Maxim says shes #52. just happy to see she's on the list though.
4. Emma Stone - She was in the movie Superbad and she's a super babe.
5. Taylor Swift - Her music is for dumbasses but she is adorable. I think she is a nice girl. she just seems like a sweatheart. the kind of sweatheart i want to do sex with.
okay, MOST UNDER-RATED
Scarlett Johansson - She's number 14. just under Amanda Bynes for some reason. It doesn't get much better than her. She's insanely beautiful. If a girl like her talked to me I think she head would fall off.
But lets talk about Number 1. The big winner. The most beautiful woman of 2010 according to Maxim... Katy Perry. Now, hold on.
Zooey Deschanel is #73 on the left. Katy Perry. #1 on the right.
How do two women that look very much alike end up on the opposite ends of the spectrum? okay, Katy Perry does have a better body, you're right. I guess Zooey Deschanel should just be more like Katy Perry.
Anyway, Maxim's top 100 hot list for 2010 is strange. I don't even know what else to say about it. Pick it up and you'll see what i mean. or don't cause you've read my blog and know what's up. i got to run errands now, so peace out clowns.
Monday, May 3, 2010
No Coffee = Crazy People
So Saturday, the water pipes broke in the north-of-Boston region, and it's screwing things up bad. Take away our water supply and you have an entire population on their knees. I have to use bottled water to brush my goddamn teeth, which i keep forgetting about. So I have cleaned my teeth, but in the process I may have ingested some sort of bacteria that could eat my heart out like Bruce Springsteen. So then I rinse my mouth out with mouthwash and even swallowing some in the hopes that it catches up to the water that I may have drank and kills the badness within it. That's thinking realistically, right? No, but it allows me to sleep at night.
So without drinking water or easily accessible tap water, which for the most part is pretty good in terms of cleanliness and drinkable nature we north-of-Bostonians have had to purchase bottles and gallons of water. awesome. It's actually further from a problem for me considering that's just something that I already do, but someone out there has been inconvenienced, and for that guy out there, I shout towards the clouds at full volume, "RAT FARTS!".
Speaking of inconvenience, the number one inconvenience this far, besides the teeth-brushing, water-ingesting ordeals, which I might add have happened a few times per day since the pipe exploding, has been the lack of available iced coffees, or coffees in general. Taking away water from hundreds of thousands of people has been crazy as it is, but take away everyone's favorite source of caffeine? Now, you are fucking with big trouble, especially since both water and coffee are out of the picture. I'm surprised people haven't rioted and looted self-brewed coffee from their local Dunkin Donuts yet. After leaving the house today for the first time since Saturday, I felt the anxiety of no coffee first hand. I went to D&D and it was closed, So I got in my car and raced to Starbucks - closed.
I found myself to be like an addict, thinking of ways I could get an iced coffee, and eventually realized that I lost the battle before it had begun. This will be the case for the next few days. It must be interesting to see the people with real jobs desperate for coffee, I'm just a nobody with a sweet tooth for caffeine. Perhaps I'll get a taste of coffee tomorrow. I'll make a lot of it, so i can take it with me to school. That would be a great idea. no? I could stand in front of the closed Dunkin Donuts which is next to the train station and sell coffee in the morning, made with bottled water, $3 a pop, that shit would sell. but then i'd have to buy cups, straws, sugar, cream, milk, sweet and low, containers to store ice, which i'd have to make from bottled water, and then my good idea of selling iced coffee makes me poorer than i started because it isn't a practical investment because it would have to turn a profit in two days and who would buy coffee from a stranger on the sidewalk?
ok fuck it, i won't wheel and deal coffee on the sidewalk, it was a bad idea, i know, but i wasn't serious about it either, so it's okay. right? we cool?
So take away easily accessible drinking water and coffee, and what do you get? A bunch of crazies. keep an eye out for them today and the next couple because they are out there. confused and irritable. just be extra nice, cause if you mess with someone when they haven't had their coffee in the morning they will probably bite your head off, or smash your face into a jelly. Combining a lack of coffee with a lack of water, and it could mean that the folks that walks the streets everyday are a bit dehydrated (as well as decaffeinated), which could also effect their ability to think normally. so let's just say there are definitely going to be some loose canons out there. so keep calm, act nicely, and stay out of the way.
So without drinking water or easily accessible tap water, which for the most part is pretty good in terms of cleanliness and drinkable nature we north-of-Bostonians have had to purchase bottles and gallons of water. awesome. It's actually further from a problem for me considering that's just something that I already do, but someone out there has been inconvenienced, and for that guy out there, I shout towards the clouds at full volume, "RAT FARTS!".
Speaking of inconvenience, the number one inconvenience this far, besides the teeth-brushing, water-ingesting ordeals, which I might add have happened a few times per day since the pipe exploding, has been the lack of available iced coffees, or coffees in general. Taking away water from hundreds of thousands of people has been crazy as it is, but take away everyone's favorite source of caffeine? Now, you are fucking with big trouble, especially since both water and coffee are out of the picture. I'm surprised people haven't rioted and looted self-brewed coffee from their local Dunkin Donuts yet. After leaving the house today for the first time since Saturday, I felt the anxiety of no coffee first hand. I went to D&D and it was closed, So I got in my car and raced to Starbucks - closed.
I found myself to be like an addict, thinking of ways I could get an iced coffee, and eventually realized that I lost the battle before it had begun. This will be the case for the next few days. It must be interesting to see the people with real jobs desperate for coffee, I'm just a nobody with a sweet tooth for caffeine. Perhaps I'll get a taste of coffee tomorrow. I'll make a lot of it, so i can take it with me to school. That would be a great idea. no? I could stand in front of the closed Dunkin Donuts which is next to the train station and sell coffee in the morning, made with bottled water, $3 a pop, that shit would sell. but then i'd have to buy cups, straws, sugar, cream, milk, sweet and low, containers to store ice, which i'd have to make from bottled water, and then my good idea of selling iced coffee makes me poorer than i started because it isn't a practical investment because it would have to turn a profit in two days and who would buy coffee from a stranger on the sidewalk?
ok fuck it, i won't wheel and deal coffee on the sidewalk, it was a bad idea, i know, but i wasn't serious about it either, so it's okay. right? we cool?
So take away easily accessible drinking water and coffee, and what do you get? A bunch of crazies. keep an eye out for them today and the next couple because they are out there. confused and irritable. just be extra nice, cause if you mess with someone when they haven't had their coffee in the morning they will probably bite your head off, or smash your face into a jelly. Combining a lack of coffee with a lack of water, and it could mean that the folks that walks the streets everyday are a bit dehydrated (as well as decaffeinated), which could also effect their ability to think normally. so let's just say there are definitely going to be some loose canons out there. so keep calm, act nicely, and stay out of the way.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Humanity goes back a step
So it's a Saturday afternoon and my friend john and I are at a pizza place/liquor store and a couple of morons come running in, talking about a shooting. Yes, like bang-bang, guns are out, people are on the verge of death type of shooting. Now, in my 24 years of living in Revere, I have only heard of such a thing a couple of times, and although these circumstances are sad, I couldn't help but take the situation to heart, well sort of. At first the jokes came about, but then it was the reaction of the people around me that made me feel like shit. I can usually make jokes about terrible situations but this type of thing was just beyond my discretion, and if you find humor in someone's death or serious injjury, then you truly are a horrible person.
I walked onto the sidewalk and looked down toward the person that had been shot about 100 yards away. It still didn't seem real that a person had been shot three times. one moment i am enjoying a slice of pizza and the next, I am looking down a sidewalk at an unclear image of a man laying on concrete with his shirt off. A woman was tending to him. It didn't seem real. People were coming out of the woodwork appearing on the sidewalk, like myself, unsure of what was happening. The nature of what was happening didn't settle in until I heard some terrible human-being talk about how someone should take a video of the man so they could watch it.
I still can't get over the insanity of of this girl's request. That is a pretty fucked-up to suggest that someone should take a video via phone or camera of someone that had just been shot three times. What would you get out of watching a video like that? it is just completely immoral to video someone in complete agony? what do people get out of another's demise that they need to watch it. that kind of shit is so for sick freaks. what if the unlucky person that had been shot what your cousin or uncle? shouldn't these be thing things to think of before one suggests a video be taken of a man that had been shot.
way to go humanity. you suck again.
I walked onto the sidewalk and looked down toward the person that had been shot about 100 yards away. It still didn't seem real that a person had been shot three times. one moment i am enjoying a slice of pizza and the next, I am looking down a sidewalk at an unclear image of a man laying on concrete with his shirt off. A woman was tending to him. It didn't seem real. People were coming out of the woodwork appearing on the sidewalk, like myself, unsure of what was happening. The nature of what was happening didn't settle in until I heard some terrible human-being talk about how someone should take a video of the man so they could watch it.
I still can't get over the insanity of of this girl's request. That is a pretty fucked-up to suggest that someone should take a video via phone or camera of someone that had just been shot three times. What would you get out of watching a video like that? it is just completely immoral to video someone in complete agony? what do people get out of another's demise that they need to watch it. that kind of shit is so for sick freaks. what if the unlucky person that had been shot what your cousin or uncle? shouldn't these be thing things to think of before one suggests a video be taken of a man that had been shot.
way to go humanity. you suck again.
Friday, April 16, 2010
I Hope That Their Heads Fall Off
In light of Boston being graced with the presence of the most popular hockey mom in the United States, I thought I would go over how much I don't like her and another republican on television, Elisabeth Hasselbeck.
Well, Matt Damon really said it best about Sarah Palin when he commented on how absurd it was the she was even mentioned as a candidate for vice president. Her situation is truly a bad, Disney movie, where the hockey mom suddenly becomes president. She is just one of those people that you wish wasn't a person, but is. Her voice alone is horrible, she's always shouting. Why all the shouting Sarah!? The way she speaks is even worse, talking like she just got back from some Nascar event or a rodeo. And why is she always wearing that red coat? Doesn't she own anything other than that red coat?
She is really no better than anyone else that I could think of for a vice president candidate. She is dumber than bricks - it's true. A few months ago, I was watching 60 Minutes (I know, very old manish of me but anyway)and they had a really interesting segment about the 2008 campaigns. The people that were working on McCain/Palin campaign commented on how Sarah needed to be taught all of American history because she just didn't know any, including all of the wars the U.S. has been involved in. What kind of political figure doesn't know the past 100 years of his/her country's history? It makes me nauseous to think that someone could be that close to presidency, and just not know what happened during the World Wars. Also while preparing her for the vice-president debates, they found that she really couldn't answer a lot of questions, and had to take a long break and discuss why she didn't know anything. This makes the interview with Katie Couric a realistic representation of Sarah Palin.
A tiny part of me wishes that I did go to the "Tea Party," so that I would have a bit more ammo to talk about how dumb she is but I had something better to do... nothing. You know, what makes me laugh the hardest about the "Tea Party" is that they complain about the taxes, but during the event the people cost the tax payers even more money by the state having to puts extra cops on duty and among other costs I imagine. Ironic? Dumb? Both!
So who else is just as dumb as Sarah Palin? Elisabeth Hasselbeck. If you are thinking "Who is fuck is Elisabeth Hasselbeck?," then you are thinking correctly. Don't worry your brain isn't broken or anything. She is one of the people on the crappy tv talk show "The View" were a bunch of loser celebrities talk about nonsense till you consider blowing your brains out. Once in a while I'll catch a video on the youtube of her and its usually concerning politics. She is a hardcore republican that cannot debate her views. Ironic? Probably. Go ahead and youtube her trying to talk politics - it's great. She just starts saying things that are not even true. She embodies the reason why talking politics is a waste of time in most cases. When you have someone that doesn't like to listen to facts or reasons and just keeps restating fake facts to reassure that she is right, then you have an idiot like her. She's basically a robot that is programmed to disagree with any type of view that isn't completely to the right. I hope someone drops an anvil on her face. There is no point to her.
That's all I got. Those women are horrible. I hope their heads fall off.
Well, Matt Damon really said it best about Sarah Palin when he commented on how absurd it was the she was even mentioned as a candidate for vice president. Her situation is truly a bad, Disney movie, where the hockey mom suddenly becomes president. She is just one of those people that you wish wasn't a person, but is. Her voice alone is horrible, she's always shouting. Why all the shouting Sarah!? The way she speaks is even worse, talking like she just got back from some Nascar event or a rodeo. And why is she always wearing that red coat? Doesn't she own anything other than that red coat?
She is really no better than anyone else that I could think of for a vice president candidate. She is dumber than bricks - it's true. A few months ago, I was watching 60 Minutes (I know, very old manish of me but anyway)and they had a really interesting segment about the 2008 campaigns. The people that were working on McCain/Palin campaign commented on how Sarah needed to be taught all of American history because she just didn't know any, including all of the wars the U.S. has been involved in. What kind of political figure doesn't know the past 100 years of his/her country's history? It makes me nauseous to think that someone could be that close to presidency, and just not know what happened during the World Wars. Also while preparing her for the vice-president debates, they found that she really couldn't answer a lot of questions, and had to take a long break and discuss why she didn't know anything. This makes the interview with Katie Couric a realistic representation of Sarah Palin.
A tiny part of me wishes that I did go to the "Tea Party," so that I would have a bit more ammo to talk about how dumb she is but I had something better to do... nothing. You know, what makes me laugh the hardest about the "Tea Party" is that they complain about the taxes, but during the event the people cost the tax payers even more money by the state having to puts extra cops on duty and among other costs I imagine. Ironic? Dumb? Both!
So who else is just as dumb as Sarah Palin? Elisabeth Hasselbeck. If you are thinking "Who is fuck is Elisabeth Hasselbeck?," then you are thinking correctly. Don't worry your brain isn't broken or anything. She is one of the people on the crappy tv talk show "The View" were a bunch of loser celebrities talk about nonsense till you consider blowing your brains out. Once in a while I'll catch a video on the youtube of her and its usually concerning politics. She is a hardcore republican that cannot debate her views. Ironic? Probably. Go ahead and youtube her trying to talk politics - it's great. She just starts saying things that are not even true. She embodies the reason why talking politics is a waste of time in most cases. When you have someone that doesn't like to listen to facts or reasons and just keeps restating fake facts to reassure that she is right, then you have an idiot like her. She's basically a robot that is programmed to disagree with any type of view that isn't completely to the right. I hope someone drops an anvil on her face. There is no point to her.
That's all I got. Those women are horrible. I hope their heads fall off.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Life and the Wall
I just read the blog of a guy who is in one of my favorite bands The Lawrence Arms (http://badsandwichchronicles.blogspot.com/) and he just really said what has been on my mind lately. I'll get into it in my own way, and I'd hate to make you stop reading now, but I'll warn you (cause it's only fair and shit) that it going to be another serious one. But I'll mix in some laughs to keep ya going.
*Also, this will be very ranty, won't make much sense, and sound bitter, but we all think about this stuff on some level or at some point. So hear it out for a little bit but feel free to stop reading at any point. ya hear?
So I was thinking the other day, and I'm not sure if it was in class, at work, while I was sleeping, or doing a crazy amount of homework, - I can't tell any of these aspects of my run-of-the-mill life apart anymore because they run together like... workout buddies. but I was thinking about... well, a lot of shit: worries, the point of life, why achieving anything might be worth while, and in general a look back on life from the end to ask was is all worth it? and what is next? (note, I am not planning on killing myself or anything so relax, its just me facing these free thoughts that I believe everyone has at one point or another in their life)
Let's start with everyone's fears of worrying and run into the other topics in a big messy fashion, because that's how it's going down this time. We, as a people, all have our own worries. Large or small, they are there. Some people worry if they will make it to McDonald's before they stop serving breakfast, some people worry about catching the next train to go to work so their slob of a boss won't write them up, and then their are larger worries, like will I pay mortgage on time before I get booted to the gutters or will terrorists shoebomb my next flight out to Delaware. Setting aside larger worries, because we generally don't face them on a daily basis, maybe they are reoccurring thoughts, but not daily. Let's focus on daily worries. For the past six months, I have been dealing with them and it is unnecessarily unnerving. Whether I'll make it to work on time or whether I'll get my assignments in on time, it's all bullshit. Let's go back to two weeks ago and you'll see what I mean. I worried for a few days about a presentation that I had to do because my group was a bit overbearing and indecisive and I haven't received my grade at all yet, but since it has passed I can honestly say I do not give a shit. It was 3 minutes of me talking in front of 25 people and they probably couldn't even recall what I said after I finished. A large portion of these people don't even know my name. It was that insignificant. And come to think about it, most experiences in life are that pointless. It's things that make you worry until they pass by and never mean anything to you again that are bullshit. I think I've made my point but why do we let these things control our temperament and give us the endless pit feeling in our stomachs. Its the getting kicked into the gutter after not paying mortgage that should really be the worry. okay enough, i'm sick of complaining about worrying, what's next?
Oh great. The point to life. It is hard to say really. right? I mean, we have families, and these people are important to us, and then we have our own families and we are important to each other and then the cycle repeats after we become a crust in the dirt. It seems like the point of life to create more life, but for what? for the cycle to be continuous and never end? what is the incentive to life besides these bonds we make with our fellow human beings. This will start to stray from the point, but I warned you, this wasn't going to make sense or be reasonably coherent. I mean look at the subjects that I promised to cover, nobody has the answer to this shit. ANYWAY, looking at my own life, I chose the path of dedicating most of my life in the education system as a learner. What kills me the most is to come to learn that I will not in fact learn everything. Everyone hits a wall in their abilities to do anything, and there are things that I and everyone else in the world cannot learn. and this doesn't go for just learning, we can compare this with an ability to do anything. everyone hits a wall. There are prodigies like Doogie Howser M.D. that becomes a doctor at the age of 14 and everyone thinks he is a god. but even he plateaus, as you see, when he is 30 and if he stayed on that career path he will become a 30 year old doctor, along with his other 30 year old doctor colleagues. so what was the point? what was the rush? and was it worth it Doogie? you life-saving little bitch!
So this brings me to the point about achievement, and this might also fall under a number of the topics, and even relate to the previous blog in an odd way, but will these achievements be worth it? In the end, Doogie and the rest of us will all be piles of dust. I mean, I have pipe-dreams of doing some traveling, reading a crazy number of books slowly over time, marrying Natalie Portman, even writing a movie, but these are the things that mean something to me and my time of this block. But I think in the end we will all be humbled to realize that not all of our pipe-dreams will come true. What we will learn through trying to achieve and by chasing all of the pipe-dreams is that not all of them will be tangible. in some way, we will hit the wall I was talking about earlier. When and if that happens for me, I am not sure how I will deal with settling with mediocrity, especially knowing that life comes and goes all too quickly. At the age of 24, I sit knowing my fate. Never being able to live or become the ideal version of myself, nobody will. Of course this ideal is constantly changing even by the second, but for now most of my goals are tangible. Knowing this fate, as I stated, does not mean this I have given up. I would like to think that although I am not a professional anything yet, I do work hard. I give school assignments a great effort, I always show up and try hard at jobs I know I won't have forever, and make time for the people the matter to me and even if I do not make time, they never are far from the brain. I believe the idea of making a living, and certain life goals can stop one from achieving the others. and sometimes it comes with having to choose one over the other, or one first and then another. This is all up to the self and prioritizing, but then the process could get too mechanical, for me at least.
Okay, so I've avoided answering all of the questions this far except the last one.
What is next? or What is after this life? is there is an afterlife? Lets pretend that there is an afterlife. and this is where everyone reading this blog will hit the wall that i was talking about earlier. no matter what you tell me, it is not the truth, and if it is, there is no way to know without experience it. that is to say that no living person knows what the afterlife is, based on the notion that there is one. and that my friends, is the wall. Thinking about the unthinkable.
*Also, this will be very ranty, won't make much sense, and sound bitter, but we all think about this stuff on some level or at some point. So hear it out for a little bit but feel free to stop reading at any point. ya hear?
So I was thinking the other day, and I'm not sure if it was in class, at work, while I was sleeping, or doing a crazy amount of homework, - I can't tell any of these aspects of my run-of-the-mill life apart anymore because they run together like... workout buddies. but I was thinking about... well, a lot of shit: worries, the point of life, why achieving anything might be worth while, and in general a look back on life from the end to ask was is all worth it? and what is next? (note, I am not planning on killing myself or anything so relax, its just me facing these free thoughts that I believe everyone has at one point or another in their life)
Let's start with everyone's fears of worrying and run into the other topics in a big messy fashion, because that's how it's going down this time. We, as a people, all have our own worries. Large or small, they are there. Some people worry if they will make it to McDonald's before they stop serving breakfast, some people worry about catching the next train to go to work so their slob of a boss won't write them up, and then their are larger worries, like will I pay mortgage on time before I get booted to the gutters or will terrorists shoebomb my next flight out to Delaware. Setting aside larger worries, because we generally don't face them on a daily basis, maybe they are reoccurring thoughts, but not daily. Let's focus on daily worries. For the past six months, I have been dealing with them and it is unnecessarily unnerving. Whether I'll make it to work on time or whether I'll get my assignments in on time, it's all bullshit. Let's go back to two weeks ago and you'll see what I mean. I worried for a few days about a presentation that I had to do because my group was a bit overbearing and indecisive and I haven't received my grade at all yet, but since it has passed I can honestly say I do not give a shit. It was 3 minutes of me talking in front of 25 people and they probably couldn't even recall what I said after I finished. A large portion of these people don't even know my name. It was that insignificant. And come to think about it, most experiences in life are that pointless. It's things that make you worry until they pass by and never mean anything to you again that are bullshit. I think I've made my point but why do we let these things control our temperament and give us the endless pit feeling in our stomachs. Its the getting kicked into the gutter after not paying mortgage that should really be the worry. okay enough, i'm sick of complaining about worrying, what's next?
Oh great. The point to life. It is hard to say really. right? I mean, we have families, and these people are important to us, and then we have our own families and we are important to each other and then the cycle repeats after we become a crust in the dirt. It seems like the point of life to create more life, but for what? for the cycle to be continuous and never end? what is the incentive to life besides these bonds we make with our fellow human beings. This will start to stray from the point, but I warned you, this wasn't going to make sense or be reasonably coherent. I mean look at the subjects that I promised to cover, nobody has the answer to this shit. ANYWAY, looking at my own life, I chose the path of dedicating most of my life in the education system as a learner. What kills me the most is to come to learn that I will not in fact learn everything. Everyone hits a wall in their abilities to do anything, and there are things that I and everyone else in the world cannot learn. and this doesn't go for just learning, we can compare this with an ability to do anything. everyone hits a wall. There are prodigies like Doogie Howser M.D. that becomes a doctor at the age of 14 and everyone thinks he is a god. but even he plateaus, as you see, when he is 30 and if he stayed on that career path he will become a 30 year old doctor, along with his other 30 year old doctor colleagues. so what was the point? what was the rush? and was it worth it Doogie? you life-saving little bitch!
So this brings me to the point about achievement, and this might also fall under a number of the topics, and even relate to the previous blog in an odd way, but will these achievements be worth it? In the end, Doogie and the rest of us will all be piles of dust. I mean, I have pipe-dreams of doing some traveling, reading a crazy number of books slowly over time, marrying Natalie Portman, even writing a movie, but these are the things that mean something to me and my time of this block. But I think in the end we will all be humbled to realize that not all of our pipe-dreams will come true. What we will learn through trying to achieve and by chasing all of the pipe-dreams is that not all of them will be tangible. in some way, we will hit the wall I was talking about earlier. When and if that happens for me, I am not sure how I will deal with settling with mediocrity, especially knowing that life comes and goes all too quickly. At the age of 24, I sit knowing my fate. Never being able to live or become the ideal version of myself, nobody will. Of course this ideal is constantly changing even by the second, but for now most of my goals are tangible. Knowing this fate, as I stated, does not mean this I have given up. I would like to think that although I am not a professional anything yet, I do work hard. I give school assignments a great effort, I always show up and try hard at jobs I know I won't have forever, and make time for the people the matter to me and even if I do not make time, they never are far from the brain. I believe the idea of making a living, and certain life goals can stop one from achieving the others. and sometimes it comes with having to choose one over the other, or one first and then another. This is all up to the self and prioritizing, but then the process could get too mechanical, for me at least.
Okay, so I've avoided answering all of the questions this far except the last one.
What is next? or What is after this life? is there is an afterlife? Lets pretend that there is an afterlife. and this is where everyone reading this blog will hit the wall that i was talking about earlier. no matter what you tell me, it is not the truth, and if it is, there is no way to know without experience it. that is to say that no living person knows what the afterlife is, based on the notion that there is one. and that my friends, is the wall. Thinking about the unthinkable.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
