What's that on your face... book?

My head is throbbing from writing papers all morning and going to school for 5 hours straight, so I thought what better time to post another blog.

Someone actually read my previous post and requested that I continue this. So Regis Philbin, this is for you buddy. Tonight's blog will talk about the phenomenon of what I like to call active-biographical internet web pages.

So saddle-up.

Back in 1999, when signing onto the internet sounded like static radio and a velocirapter being tasered, the first active-biographical internet web page was born. God named this web page Live Journal. Live Journal was a site were you and your friends could write blogs about your first day at high school, how you think girls look better with their clothes off, or how your dad got arrested for stealing hot dogs from the Hess gas station again. Whatever it was that was going on in your life at the time you could just blog about it, and your friends would leave you comments on you blogs and say things like, "yes, i too am closed-minded and think that way," or "don't kill yourself, but if you do make sure you give me back my Dashboard Confessional cd first." This was always my favorite of all of the biographical web pages because it was a real blog. you could keep it for yourself and it didn't matter if other people read it, because after all it was a JOURNAL. But a few years after, Live Journal died. Along with its bullshit replicating websites like Dead Journal. don't get me wrong, Live Journal still very much exists, and I find that astounding because people are basically illiterate these days.

After the Live Journal days of having one tiny photo and nothing but blog, came Friendster, which was the ultimate fail in creating a networking website. It was difficult to use, and generally a pain in the ass. It opted to host more pictures than Live Journal but was more interested in bits of information about yourself and you couldn't blog or write about your life, you could only write on other people's pages and say "hey you are my friend in real life. wow this is cool." but honestly, it wasn't.

Shortly after Myspace emerged onto the scene as a user-friendly wayyyyy cooler web site people started jumping ship. Why not right? everyone was signing onto Myspace cause you could post pictures, find people easily, listen to some music, make posts to your friends, comment on pictures and later would allow you to blog. wow holy shit, right? this was like when they unveiled Super Mario Bros 3 in the movie The Wizard - people were just blown away and obsessed... that is until...

Facebook!

But first, two dudes created a web page called ConnectU, which was basically the original Facebook. The guy that made Facebook robbed these guys of the idea and millions of dollars later he's sitting nice because he did the right thing and stole an idea and made mad money off of it.

okay, now Facebook.
We are all on it. We all know the ins and outs about it. so why bother informing you about it? There is a big secret that you don't know about Facebook and that is... nothing. I don't have any secrets about Facebook, but what I really wanted to talk about Facebook for, was to make fun of the people that are on it, myself included.
I'll make a list.
1. People that tell you way too much information. Not like "oh my god, I can't believe you just said that, you are crazy girlfriend" too much information, I am talking about "I just took a shower" or "I am working" or "three birds just flew by my window." It's time these people just dropped dead. Nobody gives a shit about this nonsense, so stop posting it.
2. People that you don't know you that want to be your friend. I am not talking about some good-looking girl that you might actually want to be friends with so you can bone her later, or someone that is a friend of your friends and wants to be your friend (oh boy, i need a nap after that one.) I am talking about someone whose name or face does not appear to be familiar at all. If you are this person, stop being a total creep and make some real friends.
3. People that lie or bend the truth about the information in their info pages. Don't just write that you listen The Shins because you think its cool to say that you listen to the shins. it's dumb. this also goes for things like movies and books. stop trying to impress everyone, your looking like a jackass trying so hard.
4. Stop narrating your lives! I don't need to read "I just got to work, I'll be here till 4, then work, then gym, then going to dinner with my cat." If i needed to know that information, then you would have called me to tell me it. Not all 800 of your friends need to know about your less than average day, and about 5 of your friends are the ones who might give a shit.
5. If you were going on vacation, would you really want everyone to know? Should you really be telling people that your home or apartment will be left unattended for the next two weeks and available to be robbed at any moment? you never thought about that did you? you were too busy being a show off and bragging about your super cool vacation.
6. Another ball buster of a status update is when someone writes something alarming when all they want is for other people to feel bad for them. like the post would be something like "could this day get any worse?" and then everyone will be like "what's the matter are you all right?", "do you need me to come over?" or "your boyfriend didn't beat you again did he?" stop begging for sympathy and attention. its pathetic and quite frankly makes you sound desperately needy.
7. People you know that see and talk to each other all the time that hog each others facebook walls. everyone knows that they are very close because they have a million pictures together on facebook and are seen together all the time, and they take up each others facebook wall. what is this? you see one another way to much to do that. you are probably hanging out together while doing it. stop. its weird and unnecessary.

i am out of things that i hate about people on facebook for now, but i am sure that the best and brightest (the readers of this blog) can help me out in finishing this up. leave a comment about the people or things that make you sick about facebook users. but remember facebook itself is awesome. it is a guilty pleasure that we love to hate but hate to love. so embrace the mess that is facebook, and i'll leave you a comment on you facebook wall to make you look cool.

that's it for now, i'll see you on the other side.