Day 04 - Recall a time when you thought of ending your life

Wow. This one is a bummer, right? To be honest, this hasn't happened. At the end of my worst days I remember I still have both arms and legs and a place to sleep. So life isn't that bad, right? Right!

Day 04 - Recall a time when you thought of ending your life

These prompts get more and more personal. Sweet Jesus. I will write about something we all can relate to. You are in class. You may or may not have prepared for it. But, today is the day. You have to give your presentation for the class. You haven't seen any other presentations yet, so you never knew what your competition was up to. To make the situation worse you are not presenting first.
Let me explain why not presenting earlier rather than later is worse. The teacher up until this point has yet to see what other students in your pool of peers have orchestrated for their presentations. And of course the overachievers are going first. They have handouts, a world-class power point presentation in 3D or whatever, an activity for the whole group to learn from, and a speech with no note cards. Their presentation is so damn entertaining that you forget that you have to go up. And once the presentation is over and everyone is finished cheering and throwing bouquets of flowers at the feet of someone that spent too much time researching the history of Mexico, the fear rushes back that at some point you will have to present yourself. And presenting near the end of the class everyone has presented and they are relieved and at ease which means they have a higher ability to pay attention to you when it's your turn. Which brings more pressure.
Then people get picked off one by one as you stare at clock. Presentation after presentation is just one big blur. You can not recall one thing that has been said in the last half hour cause you are fixated on your own impending doom. You are hoping by some miracle there won't be enough time for you to have to go up but know there will be. You are also hoping that somehow the teacher will just forget that you are a person in the class and skip you completely. And then, you think if an anvil was fall on your head, or if an arm fell off that you wouldn't have to do this. You are looking at your note cards with panic, knowing you have forgotten the pathetic 5 minutes of information you stole from Wikipedia. Could life get worse at that point? Anytime that I have to make a presentation is when I've thought of killing myself. It has never been over anything important.

Be safe out there.
Jack